When Fuse sat down with Steel Panther's lead singer Michael Starr and bassist Lexxi Foxx, the two glam-metal rockers were kind enough to give us a crash course in which types of groupies you must avoid at all costs. So if you ever intend on starting a kickass rock n' roll band, take note of the problematic ladies listed below.

Hot from Afar, But Far from Hot: "Some chicks look killer from far away," says Starr, "But when you pull them onstage, they've got something tagging along. It's called a caboose." Foxxx agrees: "Yeah, you could put a swing set on it sometimes."

The Hot Annoyer: "When there's a girl who has a yucky friend who hangs around to feel good about herself, that girl is called excess baggage," Foxxx says, and according to Starr, the Panther bassist once dated one. "It wasn't fun for me," Foxxx assures us while toying with a mirror. 

Smart Girls: "One of the smart girl questions is, 'Do you have a condom?' or, 'Do you have herpes?' And you don't want those questions," says Starr. "The girls you wanna date have night jobs, like strippers or… prostitutes," says Foxx.

Jail Bait: "That's a Jerry Lee Lewis classic. No, no, no."

The Town Bicycle: "You don't want to make love with the Town Bicycle that just passed through Mötley Crüe's back stage."

Now that you know what to avoid, click on the video above to learn what the criteria are for the perfect groupie.