FUSE TV - Lollapalooza 2012: The Surreal Banter of At the Drive-In's Cedric Bixler-Zavala

In the annals of rock's greatest frontmen, At the Drive-In's Cedric Bixler-Zavala rarely gets mentioned. This is a travesty. We've already told you about his onstage antics when the band played Coachella, but at Lollapalooza 2012, we had a feeling his stage banter would entertain as much as his band's set. The group remained a punishing unit, tearing through a dozen tracks in a set that saw Bixler-Zavala do handstands, flail himself over instruments and shake a cameraman (the latter earning a spot in our Day 3 Best Moments).

Like the abstract, stream-of-consciousness lyrics the band is known for, so too is Bixler-Zavala's between-song banter, a mix of jokes, absurdities and non-sequiturs that leave you unsure whether to laugh or scratch your head. So with Saturday's evacuation now just a memory, we compiled our favorite Cedric-isms from the band's Sunday afternoon main stage performance:  

A Quick Name Change, Part 1: [After coming out to Danzig's "Mother"] "We are collectively known as Latin Danzig. And if you don't know who Latin Danzig is, you're missing out."

Free Chocolate: "It smells like a big ol' piece of Toblerone that you got at Duty Free. But just because you got it at Duty Free don't mean you have to pay for it."

Thanks for Clarifying: "This next song is one of those songs that has a beginning, middle and end."

Talking Sh*t: "Madre, tell your little mijo not to walk my way."

On his Roadie's Facial Hair: "His name is Henry. He's got a handlebar mustache because I think he was once one of the Sons of Anarchy. I had a mustache once, but I wore it ironically and got called out."

One Song's Real Meaning: "This next song is called "Lopsided" because quite frankly, in these pants, that's the way this sh*t feels."

That Explains That: "Some people have speculated that that last song ["Quarantined"] said "Have chicken with Jello." But back then, some of us were vegan. [Jokingly sneering] Some of us still are." [Ed. Note: It's "Have trigger will travel."]

Lemons Into Lemonade: "This next song is called 'Technical Difficulties.' It's from the album What the F*ck Happened to My Pedal? and from the era that brought you Cocaine."

Please Throw the Right Shoe: "I noticed someone threw a shoe on stage. I would actually appreciate it if you threw me a chancla [Spanish slang for "sandal"]. [A shoe is thrown.] That's kind of a chancla. That looks more like a Birkenstock. [Another shoe is thrown.] That's not a chancla! That's a f*ckin' straight-up hipster Havaiana that you bought in Silver Lake. That sh*t cost you like 50 bucks. A chancla is handed down from your f*ckin' abuelita. It was used to tell you to shut the f*ck up when you were cussin'." 

Do Not Wear the Wrong Shoes in Front of Cedric: "Is there anybody here that wears those running shoes that look like gloves? Don't wear that sh*t. I know it gives you traction and you're like, 'I gotta take it back to the caveman era.' But c'mon."

Describing bandmate Omar Rodriguez-Lopez: "The Puerto Rican Woody Allen."

FYI: "F*ckin' literature. I f*cks with books."

Calling an Audible: "Okay, I'll let you in on our f*ckin' band meeting. We're on the 40-yard line. What the f*ck do we do with the ball? I don't know. I'm not a football player. I got a big ol' pair of Pampers on and I'm gonna fill 'em."

A Quick Name Change, Part 2: [In hologram Tupac voice] "What up, Snoop? What up, Dre? This is f*ckin' hologram Cedric. Actually, I changed my name to Cedric Lion."

The Truth: "I know how to kill time."

Want proof? Fuse reader Matthew Dominick compiled everything Cedric said in one video. Someone send this guy a t-shirt or something.