NEW YORK, NY - MAY 14: Singer Britney Spears attends the Fox 2012 Programming Presentation Post-Show Party at Wollman Rink -
Desiree Navarro

Even if Britney Spears' much-hyped debut as a judge of singing talent failed to best former teen-pop rival Christina Aguilera in the ratings (The Voice shouted down X Factor's season 2 premiere on Wednesday night), Brit-Brit's TV presence has proved incredibly entertaining. For someone whose legal life is controlled by both her fiancé and father, Spears still pops with personality—about seven of them, to be exact. Here's our rundown of the different approaches Spears takes toward hopeful singers on The X Factor, whether she's letting them down gently or If U Seek A-ing their dreams. 

The Rock Critic: "I think you're confused. You're like Vanilla Ice meets Lauryn Hill meets West Side Story." Someone's been reading Rolling Stone meets Hollywood executive meets DVD back covers!

The Valley Girl: "I feel uncomfortable with you even staring at me," Spears told Demi Lovato's Auto-Tune accuser Shawn Armenta (whom we spoke with yesterday), drawing out the word "uncomfortable" to sound like more like, "un-camfferrtabbulllllll."

The Dream Slayer: "You look cute, but then the singing came in and it wasn't very nice." Easily her best zinger thus far.

The Diva: When a superfan offered her a vase of flowers before performing, she thanked him in her own special way (see picture below)

The Best Friend: "I don't know why you're crying, you should be happy! Your voice is so raspy and incredibly sexy and you are so beautiful," she told former bullying victim Jillian Jensen. 

The Therapist: When former duet partner Don Philip showed up as a contestant and came out to her (which you may have missed, since Fox inexplicably edited out that portion of their exchange), Britney put on her Barbra Streisand in The Prince of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit. "I feel through the years you've gone through a lot of hardships and battles," she sympathetically opined before sending him packing.

The Patient Listener: This face says it all.