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While entire editorial teams brainstorm about things to do with musicians, Phoenix New Times had a simple, yet ingenious idea: Give a platform to Tool/A Perfect Circle frontman/winemaker/hopeful Obama collaborator Maynard James Keenan and let him write whatever he wants.

The result is an intro by Keenan on winemaking and his thoughts on this year's bountiful harvest, followed by a tongue-in-cheek admission that said harvest is a sign of the apocalypse. 

"Based on my clearly tireless and thorough research stretched over tens of minutes, I have come to the following daunting conclusion and well thought out suggestion. These are in fact the 'End Of Days' and people need to know about it As Soon As Possible!," wrote Keenan. "Obviously the only rational thing to do is to clear out all of your bank accounts and send me a cashier's check for the full amount. These funds will assist in further delivering this message to the rest of the world."

Read the whole article at Phoenix New Times.