7 Word Review

Today's Music News in 7 Words

Daily reviews of music, videos, people and news items without a wasted word
 / May 3, 2013

April 30: Danny Brown Allegedly Receives Oral Sex While Onstage

This fame is going to his head.

Jump ahead to 7 Word Reviews for May 2013

Aubree Lennon for Fuse

April 29: Ray J's "I Hit It First" Video Basically Confirms It's About Kim K

Worst baby shower gift of all time.

April 26: Lady Gaga is Godmother of Elton John's 2nd Kid, Too

Because kids just love that meat dress. 

Kevin Kane

April 25: Kelly Rowland Beats Beyonce on People Mag's "Most Beautiful Women" List

Real question: Where did Michelle Williams place? 

Kevin Mazur

April 24: The National to Play 1 Song for 6 Hours at Art Museum

They're a little late to impress Warhol. 

Stephen Lovekin

April 23: Michael Cera Directed Kelis In a Short Film

Weirder than when Woody Allen directed Madonna

April 22: Diarrhea Planet Cover Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run"

Making it "Born to Have the Runs."

April 19: Rush Inducted Into Rock Hall After Years of Online Petitioning

BREAKING: 600,000 white men seek new cause.

Kevin Winter

April 18: Brian Eno Making Ambient Music for Hospitals

But isn't ambient music already Ambien music?

Michael Ochs Archives

April 17: 10 Millionth Fake Daft Punk Single Leaks

But seriously, they found Kennedy's real killer.

April 16: Steve Buscemi Continues Vampire Weekend Crossover With Sketch Clip

Best thing that's ever happened to them.

April 15: Justin Bieber Hopes Anne Frank Would've Been a Belieber

Do you belieb in career after flub?

Larry Marano

April 12: Janelle Monae Reveals Erykah Badu Collabo via GIF

It's the GIF that keeps on giving. 

April 11: R. Kelly Is Working On Country Songs

Nelly, what Pandora's box have you opened?! 

Jason Kempin

April 10: Paul McCartney Says Usher Inspired New Album

Duh, Usher was on Sgt. Pepper's cover. 

Vallery Jean

April 9: Killer Mike & El-P Preview "Banana Clipper" Track

Mike = "Mr. Manager" of Banana Stand bangers. 

April 8: Britney Spears on Annette Funicello's Death: "I Think That's Great"

Britney: The proud new spokeswoman for Xanax. 

Jonathan Leibson

April 5: Backstreet Boys' New Album is "90% Done"

Non-Timberlake members of *NSYNC are jealous.

Charley Gallay

April 4: Ed Sheeran "Hasn't Heard of" Tokio Hotel

I believe "ignorance is bliss" applies here.

Eamonn McCormack/Getty Images

April 3: Fall Out Boy Add 2 Chainz to Growing List of Crazy Collabos

Still gunning for Noam Chomsky duet, though. 

Paul Warner

April 2: Rihanna Goes Shopping at Canadian Walmart

She found bargains in a hopeless place. 

Photo Credit: Maddy Ferguson/Twitter

April 1: Paul McCartney to Play Fenway Park on July 8

April Fools! He's actually performing July 9.

Kevin Mazur / Getty

March 28: Despite Questionable Lyric, Rick Ross Doesn't "Condone Rape"

He was rapping about consensually drugged drinks? 

March 27: XXL Makes Chief Keef 11th Freshmen on List of 10

They went to Chicago's Englewood schools too?

Johnny Nunez

March 26: Fan Sends Sliced-Off Ear to Jared Leto

Dude should Vincent van GOgh get help. 

Photo Credit: Jared Leto/Instagram

March 25: LL Cool J and Van Halen Preview Pope-Dissing Collabo

A crossover that panders to today's youth.

March 22: 'Saturday Night Fever' Soundtrack Joins U.S. Library of Congress

Because sometimes dated music truly is immortal. 

March 21: Miley Cyrus Twerks in Unicorn Onesie

The Internet exists for things like this. 

March 20: Bon Jovi Deny David Bowie First No. 1 Album on U.S. Charts

Even for Bowie, life isn't always fair. 

Michael Loccisano

March 19: Selena Gomez: "James Franco Is One of the Most Intelligent People I've Met"

Just wait 'til she meets Riff Raff!

Jason Merritt

March 18: Jay-Z Remixes Kendrick Lamar's "B-tch, Don't Kill My Vibe"

Somehow, this incredible track actually got better.

March 15: will.i.am & Justin Bieber Drop Collabo "#thatPOWER"

It's exactly as bad as #youFeared.

March 14: deadmau5 Disses EDM, Again

Mice always bite hands that feed them.

Sonia Recchia

March 13: Smashing Pumpkins Join SXSW Lineup

SXSW finally returns to its obscure roots.

Paul Bergen

March 12: Man Gets Shamrock Shake Dumped On Head During Harlem Shake

It's not easy being covered in green.

March 11: Selena Gomez Ditches Backing Band The Scene for New Album

Goodbye Sneezy, Dopey, Sleepy, Bashful and Doc.

Jeff Fusco

March 8: MTV Names Kendrick Lamar 'Hottest MC of 2012'

good kid, m.A.A.d city, great choice, MTV.

David Wolff - Patrick

March 7: Jessica Simpson Reveals Baby's Gender via Dick Joke on 'Kimmel'

Which means she's already interviewing child therapists. 

Randy Holmes

March 6: Andrew W.K. Is Now a Playtex Spokesman

Hey, not only rappers worry about flow. 

Photo Credit: Playtex/Facebook

March 5: Nicki Minaj Flaunts Those Curves For Her Kmart Line

SAAAADDD. Hugo Chavez would have loved this!

Jason LaVeris

March 4: Australian Miners Fired for Doing "Harlem Shake" on the Job

They should’ve tested it on canaries first.

March 1: Justin Bieber Turns 19

Time flies! Wasn't he just 18 yesterday?!

Give us your 7 word take on JB's birthday in the comments below!

Paul Morigi

Feb. 28: 'Law & Order: SVU' Airs Episode Inspired By Chris Brown's Assault on Rihanna

Somehow, even tackier than you would expect.

NBC Universal

Feb. 27: One 1D Member Gets Teacup Tattoo, Another Gets Shoe Thrown Into Groin

Question for either: One lump or two?

Instagram

Feb. 26: Morrissey Pulls Out of 'Kimmel' Over Guests From Hunting Show 'Duck Dynasty'

Singer also unhappy Kimmel once squashed bug.  

FilmMagic

Feb. 25: 'Jaws' Theme Drowns Out Lengthy Acceptance Speeches at Oscars

Killer shark theme becomes killer snark meme.

Ryan Pierse/Getty Images

Feb. 22: Nick Cave Name Checks Miley Cyrus on New Album

After Googling him, she'll respond in kind.

Feb. 21: Hackers Force Donald Trump to Tweet Lil Wayne Lyrics About "These Hoes"

Oh no! He'll become a laughing stock.

David Becker

Feb. 20: Emeli Sande Owns 2013 BRIT Awards

That means you should probably Google her.

Dave J Hogan/Getty Images

Feb. 19: Michael Jackson's 16-Year-Old Son Gets Job as TV Reporter

Interviews to be conducted behind black veils.

Feb. 15: Nicki Minaj Tweets Booty Pic, Urges Fans to "Jerk Responsibly"

Wait, hasn't Gloria Steinem done this before? 

Photo Credit: Nicki Minaj/Twitter

Feb. 14: Torn Hip Forces Lady Gaga to Cancel Born This Way Ball Tour

Prognosis: "Baby, I was torn this way."

Kevin Mazur

Feb. 13: The Weeknd's NSFW "Twenty Eight" Video

The Weeknd drowns sorrows in fantasy Boobyland.

Aubree Lennon for Fuse

Feb. 12: Chris Brown Snags an Adele Pic at the Grammys

They call this "Rolling In the Creep."

What do you think about Adele and Chris Brown snappin' pics together? Give us your 7-word take on it below!

Larry Busacca

Feb. 11: fun. Win Best New Artist Grammy After Releasing Their Second Album

Paul McCartney may be eligible next year. 

Give us your 7-word take on fun.'s better-late-than-never "Best New Artist" win in the comments below!

Christopher Polk

Feb 8: Justin Bieber Fans Weather Snowstorm to Get 'SNL' Tickets

Beliebers bear blizzard's brunt by being bonkers. 

Feb. 7: Justin Timberlake Becomes Creative Director of Bud Light Platinum

The 20/20 Experience puts on beer goggles.

Christopher Polk

Feb. 6: Mariah Carey Recorded a Song for Disney's 'Wizard of Oz' Prequel

"There's No Place Like a $80,000,000 Home."

James Devaney

Feb. 5: My Morning Jacket Singer Jim James Releases Knockout Solo Album

This dude should spend more time alone. 

Feb. 4: Fall Out Boy Announce Return to Music

Guyliner stock shares rocketed 40 points today.

What do you think about Fall Out Boy's return to rock? Give us your 7 Word Review below!

Jamie McCarthy

Feb. 1: HBO Teases Al Pacino as Phil Spector in Upcoming Biopic

The movie is called Dog Day Afro-noon. 

Phillip V. Caruso / HBO

Jan. 31: Tim & Eric's Tim Heidecker Performs Anti-Super Bowl Anthem in the Style of Bob Dylan

Funny, but Dylan still parodies Dylan best. 

Jan. 30: Rihanna Owns Up to Romantic Reunion With Chris Brown: "If It's a Mistake, It's My Mistake"

Replace "if it's" with "Goddamn, this is." 

Or is RiRi and CB's relationship "Nobody's Business"? Gives us your seven-word take on it below!

Noel Vasquez

Jan. 29: Justin Bieber Releases 'Believe Acoustic' Album

Because regular Believe was just too loud.

Jamie McCarthy

Jan 28: Chris Brown Reportedly Attacked Frank Ocean Over Parking Spot

Chris Brown and handcuffs to collaborate soon. 

What do you think about the alleged Ocean/Brown spat? Give us your own 7-word take below!

Getty Images, 2

Jan. 25: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blur & The Stone Roses to Headline Coachella

1992's favorite bands come to Coachella 2013.

Got your own 7 word take on the Coachella lineup? Give it to us in the comments below!

Jesse Grant

Jan. 24: Shaggy Denies Death Rumors

His body hasn't yet joined his career. 

Ilya S. Savenok

Jan. 23: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis Top Billboard Hot 100 With "Thrift Shop"

R. Kelly's piss finally hits No. 1!

Jan. 22: Beyonce Lip-Syncs National Anthem at Presidential Inauguration

FAIL to the Chief, amirite? (Actually, IDGAF.)

Stan Honda/AFT/Getty Images

Jan. 18: Paul Dano to Play Beach Boys' Tortured Genius Brian Wilson in Biopic

There Will Be Coked-Out Mental Breakdowns

Jan. 17: Mariah Carey/Nicki Minaj Beef Begins on 'Idol' Premiere

Feud obscures Idol's mission: Mocking sh-tty singers.  

Imeh Akpanudosen

Jan. 16: Selena Gomez Gives "Drunk" Interview at Golden Globes After-Party

20-something maybe drunk at party. Scandal!

Jan. 15: Ryan Gosling Was Almost a Backstreet Boy?

Love BSB, but Gos dodged a bullet.

Tim Roney/Getty Images (Backstreet Boys) Randy Holmes/ABC via Getty Images (Gosling)

Jan. 14: Justin Timberlake Releases First Single in 6 Years: "Suit & Tie" ft. Jay-Z

Disappointingly safe—it's cute but not hot. 

Jan. 11: Ke$ha's "C'Mon" Video

Sexy plushie rampage conceals world’s laziest lyrics.

Jan. 10: Justin Timberlake Announces Return to Music with "I'm Ready" Video

Yes/Pinch me/It's about f**king time.

Jan. 9: One Direction's "Kiss You" Video

Shirtless frolicking boys cause fatal ovary explosion.

Jan. 8: Taylor Swift & Harry Styles End One-Month Relationship

Celebrity romance ends ahead of expiration date.

Getty Images, 2

Jan. 7: fun. Contribute Track to HBO's 'Girls' Soundtrack

Lena Dunham's Girls Just Wanna Have fun.

Jan. 4: R. Kelly Sings About Tragic Newton School Shooting

Hmmmm. That's all I'm saying about this.

David Livingston

Jan. 3: Ed Sheeran Named Worst-Dressed Man By GQ

Always wearing the same hoodie isn't fashionable?

Jan. 2: Lil Wayne Gets "Baked" Tattooed on Head

He must really like cookies n' cupcakes!

Photo Credit: Tha Real Tunechi

Jan. 1: Nas Rings In 2013 with New Year's Eve Show

Providing a safe alternative to jam bands.

Aubree Lennon for Fuse

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