Peter Lindbergh for Vanity Fair / CONDÉ NAST

Say what you will about Taylor Swift, but if there's one thing she's good at, it's not getting in trouble with the media. Since allegedly buying a home next to ex-boyfriend Conor Kennedy and her quick (and dirty?) relationship with One Direction's Harry Styles, Swift has been painted in the media as a serial dater. Now she's telling us we've got her all wrong.

In the April issue of Vanity Fair, Swift is finally standing up for herself. The cover girl, who usually opts out of going on the defensive in favor of posting a photo of herself playing a tiny piano, for example, wants you to know a few things about her love life. For once and for all.

She hasn't had as many boyfriends as we all think. "If you want some big revelation," she told Vanity Fair contributing editor Nancy Jo Sales, "Since 2010 I have dated exactly two people." Two!

Just because she hugged someone once doesn't mean she dated them. Taylor told the mag, "The fact that there are slide shows of a dozen guys that I either hugged on a red carpet or met for lunch or wrote a song with... It’s just kind of ridiculous." So we take it she didn't like our photo gallery of her ex-boyfriends? Whoops.

She's not clingy or desperate, and it's kind of sexist that you think that. "For a female to write about her feelings, and then be portrayed as some clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend in need of making you marry her and have kids with her... That’s taking it and turning it and twisting it into something that is frankly a little sexist." Preach.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... by other women. Forget about the dudes that blew her off—Taylor's more upset about the mean girls. In the article, Taylor shared an important lesson from Katie Couric: "She said to me she had heard a quote that she loved, that said, 'There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.'"