SEATTLE, WA - MARCH 06: Morrissey performs at The Moore Theater on March 6, 2013 in Seattle, Washington.  (Photo by Mat Haywa
Mat Hayward/FilmMagic

Morrissey has never been one to shy away from speaking his mind, which is why we love the ol' Brit. In his latest interview with Billboard, the former Smiths’ frontman proves to be the king of snark, and it’s a thing of beauty. 

We already reported that Moz announced he was working on a novel and a new album, so that’s not going into our nifty listicle, but here’s the juicy bits that do:

On his illness and dreadful stints in hospitals last year 

I was in hospitals so frequently that the doctors were sick to death of me, and there's nothing more aging than lying in a hospital bed, trying to recover from hospital food. If your illness doesn't kill you then the hospital food sees you off. That's what it's there for. Anyway, it was my time to go to pieces. Much overdue.

On being influenced by the Beatles, or not

I thought four of their songs were magnificent, and if a band can give you four magnificent songs then that's good enough for me. But was I ever influenced by the Beatles? No.

On what is currently depressing him 

Ukraine. Why do news reporters call the people 'protestors'? They are the people! It's the government who are the rebels. Silly world, isn't it?

On advice he’d give someone if he could travel back to 1984

You should always judge a book by its cover.

On any secret talents he might have, considering Prince is a an “exceptional” ping-pong player

I'm an exceptional ping-pong player.