Music is a source of comfort and catharsis for most people, so we stocked up our musical pharmacy with some Bonnaroo artists to cure your ailments. From a bladder infection to heart problems, check with us weekly for new musical prescriptions.
You're in a hurry because you want to get home in time to clean up the hurricane of clothes that is your apartment before your date comes over. However, you have to make this quick stop for toilet paper and wine or that mess isn't going to matter anyway. You've got the goods in hand, plus some ripe strawberries (yum) and you're anxious for the cashier to move just a little bit faster. You reach into your pocket, wait. You try your other pocket. Nooooooo. You forgot your wallet. The hungry, tired and frustrated customers in line glare at you, and now you have to run back to your car. Relax. You'll get through this.
Drug name: Busparon Drugs
Active ingredients: The lyrics "under the pressure" with the paradox of the energetic, spaced-out rhythm and the beachy guitar jams.
Uses: To diminish your anxiety about being forgetful and replace the pressure with the impetus to get moving and start the night off right.
Directions: Play once as you drive home to relax your nerves. Play once as you throw all your clothes into the closet to hide them for the night. You got this.
You've been chatting with this guy for a few days. You're about ready to go on a real date with him, but there's something stopping you. Yes, he looks good on paper. He makes you laugh. He's definitely tickling your intellectual funny bone. In fact, he's crazy about you already. So, what's the problem? Oh, yeah. He's crazy about you already. In your experience, he's a little too stoked too soon and that means a quick burn. Should you give him a chance?
Drug Name: Mumcaine Gendamycons
Active Ingredients: The chorus "I don't even know if I believe / Everything you're trying to say to me" and the expansive, almost revelatory bridge before ripping into the crescendo of the wailing chorus.
Uses: To soften your skepticism without alleviating your logical fears.
Directions: Play at a medium volume to avoid the ending blowing your ear out.
Warnings: Song will not help you "believe", but might help shift your mood and perspective.
Summer has just started and it's the perfect time to cool yourself with some dips in the pool. (Probably with that friend of yours with a pool who you only see in the summer.) After a few drinks and handstands in the pool, it's time to cool off and relax in the sun before it goes down. Ouch. Just as you're trying to relax you get a splitting pain in your eardrum. You tilt your head to the side to let the water drain out, but that's not working.
Drug Name: Anhymie Glycexx
Active ingredients: Romy's soothing vocals on the track, heavy bass grooves and just the right amount of light bell tones and background chorus.
Uses: To subdue your pain by slowly inducing a dance around the pool that will shake out any water left in your ear.
Directions: Play at maximum volume, relaxing for the first few seconds to absorb the cool vocal stylings of Romy, then allowing yourself to move around to the beat.
Warning: Do not dance around too hard or play too loud to avoid busting your brain.
You are pretty stoked to see your friends on Sunday. It's been a long month and you need bonding and bottomless mimosas to take the edge off. You're running a little late (because you're you) and when you get to your car it doesn't start. Great. Now, your friends are going to be pissed and you're even later. Oh, also you have a parking ticket.
Drug Name: Jungaffeine
Active Ingredients: The chorus "So can I get the car to jump start, Please / Let me hit the gas to go high, Speed / Cos everything just happened at once".
Uses: To lull you into a funky groove rather than a rage while becoming the soundtrack to your frustration as you call Triple A.
Directions: Grab those headphones, because your car stereo is obviously not working. Pump those tunes up and play until help arrives.
You're in the middle of a lovely ballet of texts with your new fling. It's been a non-stop conversation for the last few weeks, days, minutes and you're used to the quick response. Tonight though, it just stopped without warning. Where'd she go? You wait a couple hours, she might be busy. Then, the clock strikes twelve and it's definitely too late for her to not glance at that phone that's practically super-glued to her hand. You actually lose a night of sleep over it and realize...this is hard. You need to shake it out.
Drug Name: Xanibou
Uses: To assist you in thinking about the intensity of your feelings for this girl, or the alternative that you just need that dopamine rush of texting.
Directions: Put your phone away. Turn on airplane mode, silent, off or whatever you have to do to shift focus. Play song and think about your feelings.
Warnings: Keep calm, may produce desire to continue texting or calling inappropriately.