Music is a source of comfort and catharsis for most people, so we stocked our musical pharmacy with some tunes to cure your ailments. From home sick to heart sick, check with us weekly for new musical prescriptions.
Ailment: The Itch
You're at work and you can't help but think about how good the new office assistant looks. Ripples of muscles make waves in the back of his shirt as he refills the coffee. Wait. Yesterday you didn't even notice his existence. Shake it off. Back to work. Now you're focused on that warm tingling sensation growing from the insides of your feet and traveling up to the insides of your thighs. Oh no. You're in the mood, but you don't want to go through the trouble of calling an "eff" buddy or a past fling. It sounds like you need a little "alone time".
Drug Name: Smobituoke Seasonyl
Active Ingredients: The lyric, "And the need, and the need, heavy." Also: "And you get the honey without the sting."
Uses: There are many ways to satisfy an itch and sometimes, scratching it yourself is the best remedy.
Warning: Do not take in a public place, results may be dangerous.
Directions: Close the blinds, turn up the volume and take two heavy doses. If the itch returns repeat as desired.
Do you have an ailment you need a cure for? Write us at email@example.com with your sickness, story and handle so we can respond with a musical fix.