Music is a source of comfort and catharsis for most people, so we decided to stock up our musical pharmacy with some tunes to cure your ailments. From falling in love to a gassy night, check with us weekly for new musical prescriptions.
It's been a long week and it's only Wednesday. Perhaps the most frustrating part is that while you've singlehandedly pointed out holes in your company's budget and helped them find hundreds of dollars they thought were lost...no one cares. Rather than flip your desk (which I've always wanted to do) why not play yourself a little cheerful ditty and release that frustration?
Drug name: Sproonteine
Active ingredients: A crescendo of powerful horns, fighting words and a revved up guitar intro.
Uses: To build your mental strength and provide you an anthem for your workday to add a skip in your step.
Directions: Take a deep breath, fight the urge to send that hateful email to your supervisor and instead raise the volume on the handclaps applauding your hard work.
Inactive Ingredient: Your resume and a LinkedIn update.
You stand across the bar and her red lips grab your attention while the rest of her is partially blocked by hair and shoulders and passing blurs. She comes into plain view and it's a certainty. She's a fox. You lock eyes for a second and you have to have her and you've drank enough to actually try. But as you step closer, you notice something else. That hand on her shoulder is too manly to be hers and as his face leans in for a kiss, the spell is broken. She's got a boyfriend.
Drug Name: Lyserth Acind Dienfyramide
Active ingredients: Lyrics encouraging you to live in fantasy for a little while, but to embrace your life as it really is.
Directions: Play once and live in a world where you actually steal the girl and you live happily after. Repeat and absorb the reality that there is someone better out there for you.
Warning: The effects may be unpredictable. Don't play too many times, or you may develop the urge to fantasize too often.
You have been on this paleo-30-day-starve-yourself-silly diet for a week. You're grumpy, unsociable and freaking hungry! Is this really the best solution? You need to evaluate why you decided to go on this crazy diet and be honest with yourself. Being healthy is dandy, but raw stuff gives you gas and there is nothing wrong with mixing in a biscuit here and there.
Drug name: Bilberry Joel Extract
Active ingredients: The lyrics "don't go changing", the chorus and Billy Joel's yummy hums.
Uses: To rehabilitate your view of yourself and give you an alternate method for image-repair.
Directions: Hide that mirror. Go look at yourself outside. Play the song on repeat until you feel full of confidence. Then have a biscuit.
Warning: May cause laziness. Just because you don't need to change doesn't mean you can't hit the gym every now and again for your health.
You know it. That awkward moment when you look to your left while traffic has slowed to a stop and the person who rolls up next to you decides to look to his right. For a moment in time you lock eyes with a stranger and you look away before this becomes the most awkward staring game ever. You panic. You didn't mean to. You've got to prove you're a badass, not some locking-eyes-with-strangers-on-purpose creeper.
Drug Name: Slayatine
Active Ingredients: All of it.
Directions: Find Slayer CD. Pop it in. Play. Raise volume to an intolerable level and refrain from looking left until traffic starts moving again.
Life is crazy and complex, but despite the craziness you feel like it's your time to shine. You've got a few job offers, a few travel plans ahead and for the first time in your life you've got two lovers. The kicker is...neither of them are the right fit. They both realized too late that they wanted something serious and you don't want to have to decide between the two of them. Rather than break someone's heart, it's time to take care of your own.
Drug Name: Erythears Roxylor Cocears
Active Ingredients: The lyrics "Welcome to your life, there's no turning back" and the message that life is too short.
Use: To reshape your image of the future and emphasize that it's your turn to rule your world, instead of letting someone else do it.
Directions: Get in the car and go for a drive with no destination. Play on repeat until you feel secure in your decision, whatever it may be.