Music is a source of comfort and catharsis for most people, so we stocked our musical pharmacy with some tunes to cure your ailments. From home sick to heart sick, check with us weekly for new musical prescriptions.
Ailment: Living Another Year
I see you, hiding behind the layers of makeup and clothing that you're using to hang on to the final days of your 20s. But you don't need any of that. Thirty will come and so will 40, whether or not you're ready and whether or not you try to fight the years away with magic lotions, diets and creams. So this very special, very scary, 30th birthday, why don't you do something crazy? Embrace it, rather than fight it off with another blackout episode and let go of your 20s. Toast to it, dance with it, treat 30 like a new friend, because she'll be around for another 10 years and then you're not going to want to let her go.
Drug Name: Ethafraze Fordanol
Active Ingredients: The lyrics, "You better get up for your mama / You better grab the rest of your life", "I know you're ready to get older" and "Do you toss and turn and turn at night? / And are you holding, holding on so tight."
Uses: To relieve the pain of anticipation and provide hope and motivation for the older days ahead.
Directions: Remove all makeup and clothing. Stare at your old ass in the mirror. Play song at highest volume and dance. You are beautiful.
Inactive ingredients: That organ isn't going to make you feel any younger, but it sure does feel good to dance to it.
Do you have an ailment you need a cure for? Write us at email@example.com with your sickness, story and handle so we can respond with a musical fix.