BEVERLY HILLS, CA - FEBRUARY 14: Recording artist Zayn Malik attends the 2016 Pre-GRAMMY Gala and Salute to Industry Icons ho
Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

Zayn Malik has released the tracklist for his upcoming solo debut, Mind of Mine, out March 25, and wow, so many questions.

Despite the former One Direction member's attempt to be cryptic and mysterious, Zayn's lead-up to his first album has been pretty conventional—a few interviews, a solid release date, average-to-boring social media presence, and now a tracklist. Soon, the album will be out, and we'll be bumping the hits, just as we should. It's all fairly formulaic.

Zayn shocked the world when he left 1D under the guise of wanting to be "normal." But even that was expected. Boy bands don't last forever. And when he announced that he was releasing solo music? Again, no surprise there.

In fact, all of Zayn's attempts to shock us just fall flat. His video for "Pillowtalk" featured a naked lady. OoOoOOOoooo! He says "fucking"! Ooooooooh, a curse word! He's trying to be edgy, but it's all been done before, and it feels manufactured. So when I saw the Mind of Mine tracklist, I had to cringe again. 

My questions; all of them:

1. What's with the capitalization? Is it because you're too gritty to conform to society's language conventions?

2. Is your intro track a typo? There are a lot of Ds in there. Is this you being edgy again? Would tattooed baby Zayn approve of this?

3. Is this a concept album? There is a song called "Drunk" and then a song called "Lucozade," an energy drink brand (which I had to Google because I'm American). Is Lucozade for the hangover? Is it to replenish your electrolytes after a night of intense lovemaking? Very interesting, ZaYn. Very interesting.

4. Will you be releasing this as a CD? Did you hear that CDs are OVER?

5. How much time do I have during the intermission? Will I be able to have time to both take a bathroom break AND grab a soda? Or is it one of those intermissions where they're switching the house lights on and off after a minute?

6. And not to be annoying (too late, AMIRITE?!), but why do you ignore the apostrophe in "Its You," but not in "She Don't Love Me"? Again, so mysterious.

7. "Rear View." This is about checking your mirrors whilst driving your vehicle in reverse, right?

8. I mean, what can you be possibly viewing from the rear?

9. Are you high right now? (Asking for a friend.)

10. Do you ever get nervous?

11. Are you single?

13. OK, we know it's true because you make it painfully clear with every step toward this album. You have sex. What is that like?

14. Is "Borderz" an M.I.A. cover?

15. KEHLANI!? Nice.

16. Is "Tio" about being an uncle to Louis Tomlinson's child? It is, isn't it?

17. Did you forget to do the weird cApItAliZaTioN thing for the last four tracks?

18. What is your AIM SN?