Like, touch her breasts and caress the impossible softness of it all. The GQ profile begins:
"Kim Kardashian West's boob is so soft it makes velvet feel like splinters. It makes the fur on a baby bunny's tummy feel like a plastic bag of syringes. It is so soft that touching it is like scooping up the delicate pink dawn sky with your fingers, or holding a ball of lotion in your hand. It is softer than the thick, warm, all-enveloping smoothness that caresses a globule of wax as it travels up a lava lamp. I know this because Kim Kardashian West has just put down her passion-fruit iced tea and peeled back her sleeveless Adidas x Kanye West bodysuit so that I could place my hand on it (the boob) while we eat dinner under the furious early stars at the Beverly Hills Hotel."
Kim adds, "Even though I'm an ass girl, Kanye always says my boobs don't get as much credit as they deserve."
Kim had to call Kanye West to figure it out what she does that annoys him, and it took forever. They couldn't name a single thing! Eventually the couple settle on this moment:
"Sometimes a designer will e-mail Kim a sketch of an ensemble and Kanye will request to see it; on occasion Kim forgets to forward the e-mail, so Kanye must ask again and again. This drives him crazy."
The text reads:
"In the past, Kim has identified as a 'liberal Republican,' fiscally conservative but socially progressive. She told me she now votes Democrat ('As I've grown up, I decided what I think is best for me instead of what my parents would have voted for') and plans to vote for Hillary Clinton."
Kim amazingly adds, “I love George [Bush,] though. I just think he's cute. Like a cute little president.... And the [Bush] kids sent us a baby gift. Let me think about it.”
A glimpse into the fabulous life of Kim, the kind not aired on Keeping Up With The Kardashians:
"Recently, her neighbor Gordon Ramsay swung by and helped her play a prank on her chef. (They told him he was fired.) Another neighbor crashed the private baby shower she hosted for her friend, the supermodel Chrissy Teigen. (Kim said diplomatically that she believed the uninvited guest—Stevie Wonder—'wanted to stop by to say hi to John [Legend] and Chrissy.')"
Need we say more?
To be as successful as Kim is, it totally makes sense that she's adopted her momager Kris Jenner's insane organizational game. The profile writes:
"She's frighteningly organized: She tells me that before bed she deletes every single text message and e-mail from her phone, unless it's something she still needs to respond to. Her go-to sense of humor is dry irony, used sparingly."
“We're all on board. We definitely see that my brother is happy and getting healthy, and whatever gets him to that place, you know, we're happy for him. Chyna's a sweet girl, and I think we all have so many things going on in our lives that we just want my brother to be happy. Has there been so many crazy things that happened? Yes. Is the whole situation, you know, just…? I think people want to feel like we're all beefing and have this crazy fight, and we're really not. I think the drama naturally follows us.”
You know, the one from The Life of Pablo cut "Famous," where the rapper-husband muses "I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous"? Well, Kim says Taylor approved the line and that the conversation was filmed...because Kanye films everything in studio. She says:
“She totally approved that/ She totally knew that that was coming out. She wanted to all of a sudden act like she didn't. I swear, my husband gets so much shit for things [when] he really was doing proper protocol and even called to get it approved. What rapper would call a girl that he was rapping a line about to get approval?”
"Rick Rubin was there. So many respected people in the music business heard that [conversation] and knew. I mean, he's called me a bitch in his songs. That's just, like, what they say. I never once think, [gasping] ‘What a derogatory word! How dare he?’ Not in a million years. I don't know why she just, you know, flipped all of a sudden.… It was funny because [on the call with Kanye, Taylor] said, ‘When I get on the Grammy red carpet, all the media is going to think that I'm so against this, and I'll just laugh and say, ‘The joke's on you, guys. I was in on it the whole time.’ And I'm like, wait, but [in] your Grammy speech, you completely dissed my husband just to play the victim again.”
She added that after that singular moment, Tay and Ye weren't in touch except "No. Maybe an attorney's letter she sent saying, ‘Don't ever let that footage come out of me saying that. Destroy it.’"
Kim says 'Friends' star David Schwimmer nailed the role of her father in 'The People vs. O.J. Simpson'
You know, the FX docu-drama? Kim says it was mostly accurate:
“There were times I was watching it and I was like, ‘Oh shit, this is dead-on.' Like, ‘That looks like my dad. It feels like my dad.’ It was eerie to watch sometimes.”
But she did add that the retelling of her and her siblings was totally off:
“I don't think those parts were accurate. I think our ages were off and our looks were off.” Also: “[The show] said [O.J.] tried to kill himself in my bedroom and it was Khloé's bedroom, not my bedroom.”