White Guy Talk Show
15 Artists Who Could Survive on the Mayflower
Which musicians could endure grueling physical conditions, mental trauma AND no wi-fi? The age old question is finally answered
November 20, 2012
Chad Kroeger: Hated by Everyone, Convinced Everyone Loves Him
An optimistic outlook, however delusional, probably had a positive effect on survival.
Vanilla Ice: Ripped off Queen and David Bowie, Still Had a Music Career
Hey, somebody's gotta steal corn from the natives. He'd be all like, "No way man, this ain't your corn! Look at this tiny extra husk, it's totally different."
Lady Gaga: Wore a Raw Meat Dress, Didn't Vom Everywhere
Crashing waves, dying people, boring clothes: only the strong-stomached had a chance.
Eminem: Bashed All of Pop Music, Became Insanely Popular
You know there was that one guy bitching about England, keeping morale up by convincing everyone they were better off dying on the boat than under some stupid monarchy.
Lance Bass: By JT's Side for Years, Never Jumped His Bones
You gonna make that stolen corn last all winter? You need a man with some serious self-control.
DMX: Doesn't Know How the Internet Works, Doesn't Give a Sh-t
Behind the times? Sure, but that makes him perfect for the pre-industrial revolution era.
Travis Barker: In a Plane Crash, Didn't Die
AND he's spent hundreds of hours under the needle. Yeah, I don't think a little scurvy's gonna stop this guy.
Mariah Carey: Super Hot, Still Married an Old, Balding Dude
Knowing when to choose means over a pretty face could have been the difference between life and death back then.
Wayne Coyne: Wrote a 24 Hour Song, Didn't Lose His Mind
That's the kind of mental power needed to make it through cabin fever. And you know he's got his sea legs with all that crowd surfing in giant bubbles.
Britney Spears: No Explanation Needed
She wouldn't just survive, she'd find a way to get paid on that mother too.
2007 MTV Video Music Awards - Show
Justin Timberlake: Survived Britney Spears
You know that relationship had way more trials than the silly, little Mayflower. And let's get real, when founding a new nation, you want genes like JT's on your side.
Nikki Sixx: Dead For Two Minutes, Came Back to Life
I think that's called immortal, right? (AKA secretly a vampire!)
50 Cent: Former Drugdealer, Currently the Darling of QVC
During crazy times, the ability to win over the lady folk really comes in handy.
Axl Rose: Had Ginger Dredlocks, Still Had the Guts to Leave the House
No showers or shaving on the boat, but if you looked bad to begin with, who cares!
Marcus Mumford: Dresses Like a Hobbit, Still Sells Thousands of Records
That basically makes him a miracle worker. He's probably got a whole pilgrim wardrobe ready to go too.
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