March 12, 2012


Bill & Ted Return: 8 Music Travesties They Should Prevent

Ron Galella/WireImage
Ron Galella/WireImage

Twenty-one years after Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey, Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves have finally developed a script for the third entry in the franchise. Totally righteous, right?

Winter confirmed the news to MTV and offered a vague tease of what Bill & Ted 3 might look like. Though he wouldn’t give away too much, he says rock music will be at the center of the long-delayed third movie's plot.

"What's happened to rock and roll in the last 20 years? The movie's going to get in and play with some of that stuff," Winter said. "Where is rock? Where are we?”

That got us thinking… If the dim-witted duo can travel back in time with that phone booth of theirs, why not use that radical power to stop some of the greatest travesties in rock music history? 

From Jethro Tull winning a heavy metal Grammy to Woodstock 1999 to Dylan's Jesus years, here’s 8 moments in rock that “Ted” Theodore Logan and Bill Preston Esq should travel back in time to stop. Or at least rectify. 

Jethro Tull wins Grammy for Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance
The Wyld Stallyns should show up at the 1989 Grammy ceremony, calm the booing crowd and convince Jethro Tull to hand over the award to its rightful owners, Metallica, who had just released …And Justice For All. If that happens, we might suddenly find today's world reshaped into a utopia.

All of Woodstock 1999
From the abhorrent violence during Limp Bizkit’s set to bonfires raging during the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ performance, that music fest definitely need two down-to-earth dudes to step up and say, “Hey, be excellent unto each other.”

Stop Fred Durst’s Parents from Conceiving
It just would save everyone a lot of annoyance.

Bob Dylan From Converting to Christianity
Not that we want his soul damned for eternity, but Dylan definitely needed someone to stop by during the recording sessions for those born-again albums to remind him that lame music is the real evil.

Stevie Wonder’s Journey Through the Secret Life of Plants
A double album of mostly instrumental music told from the perspective of a shrub? Now that’s a bogus journey. 

Kanye West Interrupts Taylor Swift at VMAs
Kanye might have actually let Taylor finish if he hadn’t been knocking back so much Hennessy on the red carpet. It’s too bad George Carlin isn’t still around, because I have a feeling West would listen to him.

Red Hot Chili Peppers Rock the Cock Sock
“Mr. Flea, put on some clothes!”

Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music
A double LP of pure droning noise is exactly the kind of tragedy the Wyld Stallyns could have prevented. Even without Eddie Van Halen as their excellent lead guitarist.

What tragic moments in rock history would you like to see the less-than dynamic duo untangle? And are you psyched Bill and Ted are coming back to the big screen? Also, San Dimas High School Football rules!!