When Buzz Aldrin interviewed Jack White earlier this month, the newly solo Detroit rocker railed against the Guinness Book of World Records for refusing to acknowledge a one-note concert the White Stripes delivered to Canadian fans back in 2007 as the "World's Shortest Concert." Mr. Blunderbuss decried Guinness as "elitist" and factually suspect, claiming, "There's nothing scientific about what they do."
The organization must have just got wind of his diss, because they've now responded with an "oh no you didn't" retort to his claims that they cheated The White Stripes out of an entry. According to Guinness, they actually did list the Stripes' 2007 show as the "world's shortest concert" in their 2009 edition, but they decided to eliminate the category the following year.
"Subsequent to this appearance we received a large volume of applications from bands and performers seeking to beat this record," reads an official statement from Guinness. "The ultimate result of this was individuals claiming that simply appearing on stage was enough to qualify them for this record."
They went on to explain that they've since stopped including most other "world's shortest" categories. "The nature of competing to make something the 'shortest' by its very nature trivializes the activity being carried out, and Guinness World Records has been forced to reject many claims of this kind. As such, we have been forced to cease listing records for the shortest song, shortest poem, and indeed the shortest concert."
That actually sounds like a totally reasonable excuse. And even if White isn't satisfied with their explanation, there's no way he can stay mad at them after they threw this in: "Many of us at Guinness World Records are enormous admirers of Mr. White's oeuvre, and we would be extremely pleased if he were to attempt any of the 40,000 records that are currently active on our database."
So get to it, Jack! Maybe you can try to oust this guy as the record holder for "Largest Collection of Charlie's Angels Memorabilia." Even better: "Fastest Mile Piggy Back Race"—you and Brendan Benson should totally give that a shot.
Or maybe, just maybe, Jack White should be rejoicing he's not listed in a record book that bothers to recognize achievements such as "World's Fastest Sofa." What do you think?