Sometimes—even when you're the acclaimed director of cult favorites like Pink Flamingos and Hairspray—you just can't find a ride. So what else can you do but stick out your thumb and hope a kindly, roving band of Brooklyn musicians will pick you up?
Well, at least that's what happened earlier today when Brooklyn's Here We Go Magic picked up hitchhiking director John Waters on the side of a lonely Ohio road. Yeah, that really happened—it's on Twitter! It has to be true.
"Just picked up John Waters hitchhiking in the middle of Ohio," the band tweeted Wednesday morning. "No joke. Waters in the van." Why was Waters—a man who can presumably afford a car—stranded on the side of the road? Why was Waters—the world's staunchest/only Baltimore enthusiast—so far from his beloved hometown? Who cares? This story is too perfect to ruin with a sensible explanation. Photographic evidence below.
As an added bit of insanity, Waters was not unprepared for his hitchhiking trip: He left with music and lunch money. The band tweeted, "He even carries a mixtape to listen to!" Maybe this album? A fellow passenger added, "He bought us lunch. What a guy!"
DCist got in touch with guitarist Michael Bloch, who explained the whole situation. "Jen [Turner, bass] wanted to pick him up, but we drove past him. As we passed by, our sound guy said 'John Waters.' Luke said, 'Yep, definitely John Waters.' We got off at the next exit and circled back. He was still there. We pulled up, opened the door and asked where he was coming from. 'Baltimore,' he said. And we said 'Get in, sir.'"
Get in, sir, indeed. What else would you say to the guy who filmed Divine eating a piece of dog sh*t?
So let that be a lesson to other indie artists: Keep your eyes open for stranded transgressive directors while touring. Somewhere out there, David Lynch or Jim Jarmusch may be in desperate need of a lift.