June 13, 2012


Rapper Canibus Blames Rap Battle Fail on Blood-Sucking Leeches

In the late 1990s, New York rapper Canibus was one of the most promising new talents in hip-hop. He dominated every guest verse and his 1998 single "Second Round K.O.," a song devoted to tearing down LL Cool J, immediately became a new battle-rap anthem.

But that was a long time ago. The rapper recently appeared in a pay-per-view rap battle with notepad in hand, which Hip Hop Wired astutely noted "broke at least 3,463 rap rules." As the video above shows, the rapper was summarily booed and shamed, yelling at fans and organizers alike. Rather than doing something crazy like rationally explaining the need to remember numerous punchlines and verses, Canibus blamed the obvious culprit: "human blood-sucking leeches [who] were agents of a dark world."

"A few days before the...event, I was abducted by human blood sucking leeches who did not make their identity known, but I assume were agents of the dark world," the rapper wrote on his Tumblr. "While in my vehicle ready to pay for a toll, a helicopter attached with a satellite device that promotes fear flew directly over me...As I abandoned my vehicle, I got to a fence and as I climbed underneath, the helicopter got visual contact on its target and there was nothing I could do. Completely lost in a parallel universe I was removed from consciousness and as I woke up I had secret agents of some kind asking me why I decided to battle in this event that was being broadcasted world-wide. I explained to them it was strictly Hip Hop related but they did not believe me. They used Chinese water torture methods at first to try to break my spirits to no avail. They attached wires to my skull and moved on to 'Alternative 2.'"

If that was the primary plan, I'll let you speculate on what "Alternative 2" was. The whole post is worth reading, if only to learn about the darts shot at Canibus' neck, the mysterious Subject 10 and the rapper's interrogation by secret agents.

Meanwhile, let's remember better times: