With face-eating have "a moment" right now, farcical metal band Gwar tell you how to avoid suffering a similar fate. And it involves a lot of hair.
"What is up with zombies and bath salts?" singer Oderus Urungus asks. "I have some advice. For anyone who is trying to avoid being eaten by zombies who are on bath salts, grow a mustache out of every bit of your body. Because if you've seen that picture of the guy that got his face eaten off, the only part that didn't get chewed on was the mustache. Everything but the beard." As drummer Jizmak da Gusha points out, that means "Zach Galifianakis [is] safe."
Now obviously that advice doesn't apply to both sexes, but thankfully guitarist Balsac the Jaws of Death offers a solution (or is it a dire warning?) for females: "Bring back the seventies bush or you're going to get eaten from the crotch up." You heard it here first, folks.
To hear Gwar opine about where all the human flesh goes after zombies finish feasting—do they poop or just get fat?—watch the full video above.