September 28, 2012


Justin Timberlake Reads a Boring, Cliche Poem About Golf to Open Ryder Cup

David Cannon/Getty Images
David Cannon/Getty Images

Famous New York Magazine writer Justin Timberlake read an awful poem at the opening ceremony for the Ryder Cup yesterday. The Ryder Cup, in case you don't know, is an annual golf tournament between the United States and Europe (Go USA, etc). To make the whole thing even more sappy, Timberlake, who was serving as the first-ever Team Ambassador for the United States Team, recited the poem — literally called "Golf" by Randy Sabados —as the Chicago Youth Symphony Orchestra played in the background. Here are some "highlights" of the poem, which, as Deadspin notes, looks like it was randomly found on

"How does one speak about the game of golf? A game of so many emotions, both highs and lows. It can be as sweet and passionate as your lover on a warm summer night ~ your swing is flowing smooth and easy and the ball is rolling the greens pure and true. It can feel as if you're destined to endless torture ~ your heart being slowly ripped out, piece by piece when you struggle, hole by hole."

Bleck. But cheer up, Timberlake. Yes, this was an embarrassing, hackneyed, sentimental performance. But, as Sabados' poem notes, “golf is so much like life ~ full of adversity and 'rub of the greens.'” So rub those rubbed greens off! Or whatever. And then start making music again.

For reasons beyond my control, the video is not embeddable. But you can watch it at Deadspin, and read the actual poem (don't do this) at PoemHunter.