October 22, 2013


R. Kelly's 69 Raunchiest Lyrics, Ranked

Timothy Hiatt
Timothy Hiatt

After two albums of romantic tracks, R. Kelly told Associated Press last year that he'd be returning to the explicit lyrics that first earned him acclaim and notoriety in the early '90s (and beyond). Good for you, Kells, but did it ever really go away? A careful, rigorous analysis of 234 of the singer's tracks, starting with 1992's Born into the '90s through last year's Write Me Back, proves a consistently lascivious mind. As the singer preps for the November 11 release of his 12th album Black Panties, here are our 69 favorites, starting with Kells' admiration for his girl's hips and ending with... 

69. "Don't You Say No" (2000): Say you wanna take first-class trips/Well I wanna work those first-class hips/Yes I do

68. "Honey Love" (1992): You listen, just like a lollipop, you're so sweet, babe/And your body's like a lemon drop/Sure tastes good to me

67. "Etcetera" (1998): Let's go to the IHOP babe/No matter how the food may taste/It’s your body I’m thinking of

66. "Beautiful in this Mirror" (2012): Cause we look so good/We're going so hard/We're not gonna stop/Just look at you/This side view/Do you know what we are/We are beautiful in this mirror

65. "Tempo Slow" (1995): Baby tell Daddy what it is you want/Come on and unravel those little secrets unknown/Time to taste what love has in store for me/So let's take a sip of this love groove chemistry

64. "You Remind Me of Something" (1995): You remind me of my jeep, I wanna ride it/Something like my sound, I wanna pump it/Girl you look just like my cars, I wanna wax it

63. "Etcetera" (1998): In the pool you and me skinny dippin' darlin'/Kelly's rules no playing hard to get

62. "Sex Planet" (2007): We'll stick a flag on the Moon/First couple to ever make love/On planet Neptune, ooo

61. "Trapped in the Closet, Part 4" (2005): And that's when I start goin' crazy/Like I was tryin' to give her a baby

60. "The Greatest Sex" (2000): And the window blinds are filled with rays of sun/And all you secret fantasies thy will be done/And inside of your walls there will dwell a Capricorn/That will feast your body all night/If we keep this up then a love child will be born

59. "If I’m wit You" (1998): It really don't matter, who's first in the shower/Fruit platter from a young maid every hour

58. "Like a Real Freak" (2000): Girl, run to your Internet and download me/Get my computer love right off your screen/See, ya body's cut just like my jewelry/We can pop some Cris' in my Jacuzzi

57. "Pregnant" (2009): Take you out to eat, wine and dine/Shoppin' spree, you sexin' me/See, I'm not cheap or selfish, babe/Girl, I'm just thirstin' for that booty, babe

56. "Big Chips" (2004): Bark bark farmer, this chicken layin platinum ex-farmer

55. "One Me" (2000): I'm gonna kiss yo lips/Then I'm gonna raise yo slip/I'm gonna take your hand/And let you feel these ribs

54. "Tp-2" (2000): Just let me call the studio/Then we can go all night/Girl I hope you can hang/Cause I'm horny as hell tonight

53. "2nd Kelly" (1998): Lookin' at you from the inside of this Internet/I'm in the mood, and my tongue is in the mood

52. "She’s Got that Vibe" (1992): Yo when you need somebody to love you/Like Flintstones we'll have a yabba dabba doo

51. "Ghetto Queen" (1998): Playin' strip poker sippin' Cristi'/I grip your shoulders, you squeeze the sheets/I'm admirin' your heart-shaped booty

50. "Girls Go Crazy" (2005): Bass pumpin/Spree wells/Who’s that rollin up?/It's Kells/And girl if you feel like me/You wanna have sex on the first day like me?

49. "Feelin on ya Booty" (2000): Now you're body's got me feelin' like spending/With a backroom I could come to live in

48. "Tp-2" (2000): Stop/We need to catch our breath/We've been going for a while/It's been about two hours/And we're still going round for round

47. "Remote Control" (2005): Tonight I'll be your slave, I will do anything you say/Girl push menu and check out the features/Just let me put this adapter in you it will keep you charged up

46. "In the Kitchen" (2005): Sex in the kitchen over by the stove/Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls/Hands on the table, on your tippy toes/We'll be making love like the restaurant was closed

45. "Double Up" (2007): Her girl holla out, “We’re best friends!”/And then I holla out, “Y’all look like twins!”/Ain’t no competition, y’all a couple of tens!/And then they say, “Kells, tell us what you wan’ do”/“We’ll I’m about to double up with you and you

44. "Sweet Tooth" (2007): Hungry girl, let me raid your kitchen/Fix me a plate of that

43. "I Like the Crotch on You" (1993): I like the crotch on you

42. "Half on a Baby" (1998): Like a hotel room, I'm checkin' in to you/I'm diggin' like a shovel, all the things you do

41. "R&B Thug" (2000): On the low, fruit bowls and whipped cream/We can get up on a fancy suite/Thugged out with some Hennessy/See, see, see/Lock your body up and throw away the key

40. "Sex Weed" (2005): Girl you got that sex weed, I just want to hit it all the time/Sex so good that it gets me high/Bring that home grown to me, girl you got that fire weed/Light it up, let me take a puff of your sex weed

39. "Sex Planet" (2007): Girl I promise this will be painless, painless/We'll take a trip to planet Uranus

38. "Text Me" (2009): Text me back something freaky/Let me know just how you wanna do me/I’m at home/Sippin on Patron/I’m all alone/So baby text it to my phone

37. "Taxi Cab" (2010): Looking at the rearview she said to me, let go and be free/Then she told the driver mind his business and then went there on me/Then I told her we're just 15 minutes from my home/But she didn't stop, she kept saying it feels so incredibly wrong

36. "Ignition" (2003): It's like woo...pull over, baby/And let me put this love van off in your trunk, babe

35. "Get Up on a Room" (1998): No room service baby 'cuz/You will be the feast

34. "All I Really Want" (2000): Though the fireplace is burnin' marshmallows just right/To who it may concern /You won't be comin' home tonight/Body parts that he don’t kiss/Girl, I will kiss for you

33. "Pregnant" (2009): Shorty let's go crazy, let's make a lil' Kelly/Baby, I got goodies and I want you to have some/I ask that you let me explore your secret garden

32. "Sex Weed" (2005): Sex give me the munchies and now I wanna eat it up oh/We can do a shotgun baby and take a sip of patron baby/Now we off in a zone baby our boys gettin' it on baby/Got be feelin' hazy baby, silly baby, horny baby, flyin' baby

31. "Feelin’ You in Stereo" (2002): It's like your body's on radio I'm feelin' you in stereo/Put me in your CD player/ I'm gonna hit it nice and slow/Baby I'm your hot mix bumpin' in your cherry Lex/Checkin' out your widescreen while your hands up on the headrest

30. "It Seems Like You’re Ready" (1993): Oh, oh, your body is my playground/Let me lick you up and down/Make you feel like a woman should

29. "Ignition" (2003): Girl, please let me stick my key in your ignition, babe/So I can get this thing started and get rollin', babe

28. "Sweet Tooth" (2007): Got a sweet tooth for you girl/Baby I'm tempted to taste/I can't wait to drink your milk/You’re lookin’ like a big ol' piece of cake

27. "Get up on a Room" (1998): Bubble bath/You and me, chillin' in a tub, babe/I'm gonna wash your body, babe/And you're gonna wash my body, babe

26. "R&B Thug" (2000): All I need is my CD, bag of weed and some Cristie/Then I'm gonna stroke you up and down/Messin' with your head/And when you leave up out my room/You'll be walkin' bow leg

25. "#1 Fan" (2009): Said every time he hittin it/I’m focused on your name/Now I’m thinking to myself/Shorty got an ass/And now I’m like the ghost from his past/I came back took her home and hit that/Call my crib a barn

24. "Imagine That" (2003): I’m gonna rub your body, so baby just relax/You’ve been pouring out your loving, so now its time to pour it back

23. "Break Up to Make Up" (2002): You and me, havin sex after an argument, that shit's the best/You and me, havin sex, yeah, after an argument, that shit's the best

22. "Naked" (2002): I'll take a stroll through your garden of love/And show you so, so much/Just take my hand and believe in our future/Gettin' you open like matchin' doors

21. "Feelin’ You in Stereo" (2004): Ooh the way you put it down girl I can't take it/Sex was so good girl we've got to do the remix/'Cause girl you a mix master/When it comes to pumpin' you such a ghetto blaster/It's such a hit that I gotta bootleg it, yeah

20. "Like I Do" (2009): I can be your trainer, I can be your trainer/Come in health club and baby, let me train you/Bend it over, stretch, stretch, stretch/Baby, let me you train you

19. “Sweet Tooth" (2007): I don't want no dinner babe/I'm goin’ straight for dessert/You don't need no panties babe/Girl, up under that T-shirt

18. "Step in my Room" (1995): And doin' those things you want me to do to you baby/Like goin' down on you by the fireplace

17. "Half on a Baby" (1998): So baby open up and get ready to receive/A miracle of love, gettin' down with me

16. "Strip for You" (2000): Three knocks at the door, my baby/My trench coat hits the floor, my baby/Sit back in the chair, my baby/Cuz I'm about to go there, my baby/And get your body real open, baby/Do what you been hopin', baby/Tonight I'm gonna pull a switcheroo/Do you mind if I strip for you?

15."Sex Me" (1993): Now that we are all alone/I want you to sex me/Now let me feel your body next to mine/I wanna see you sweat, girl, you're so very wet, yes/Now put me inside of you, do what you wanna do, yeah/'Cause this is my remix, baby, and I'm gonna need all of you, sin

14."(Sex) Love is What We Makin’" (2005):  Sex in the morning, sex in the evening/Sex in the noon day even when we sleeping/I want sex on all the holidays and every single weekend/Baby it's so okay because love is what we making

13."Hit it Till the Mornin’" (2005): Girl, if you ride out wit me, I promise you won't regret it/I shoot hoop and so you know this boy is real athletic/You want me to go down on you, baby, don't even sweat it/Just pass the Remy to me and watch me get real nasty

12."Put my T-Shirt On" (2005): Bend it ova in that white T/Let me hit it in that white T/The way we 'bout to have fun, we don't need nothin' on/Nothin' on except our socks/Said I want you girl I want you girl/So to hell wit the clock

11. “Rock Star” (2007): “I’m tellin’ you now the way we f--k gonna lead to child birthin’/Rockin’ to this guitar's about to have me crowd surfin’/Kells’ll put on a show up until they close curtains/Then right after the show/Backstage/Ass hurtin’

10."Freaky in the Club" (2007): Baby girl come with me/I wanna taste yo ecstasy/I just wanna go divin'/In your pool, I'm risin'

9."The Zoo" (2007): Ooh, I swear I'm about to go/Turn your body around and beat the skins like it's a bongo/A thousand birds up out the tree, girl, like a swarm of bees/That is how it's gonna be climaxin', you and me

8."Put my T-Shirt On" (2005): Lyin' here in my bed checkin' you out while you're in the bathroom girl/You look so good steppin' out the shower/I'm lookin' at the way you’re rubbin' lotion on your body/Damn, you know you're sexy girl

7. "Sweet Tooth" (2007): Now that I got you on my bed/Clothes off, lyin’ next to me/Girl I'm about to give myself a cavity/Plus I'm gonna need band-aids for my knees/Girl set the table/Now let me feast

6. "If I’m Wit You" (1998): Remember I'm the first to give your cootie the pain/So I wanna hear you answer when I ask you my name

5. "In the Kitchen" (2005): Girl I'm ready to toss your salad/While I'm making love, girl I'll be feasting/Girl you're in the kitchen sweating up a storm/The oven's on 500

4. "Hit it Till the Mornin’" (2005): Tryna get her to let me dive off in that ass like it's an ocean/Rub her down with some heated lotion/And now got honey soakin'/She's ready for the pipe/F--ckin' wit her emotions

3. "Rock Star" (2007): Call me Scotty ‘cause girl, ‘cause girl I’m ‘bout to beam up/Once I get ya, get ya, gone come on out of them D-cups/Strokin’ it hard, strokin’ it hard, while you got your legs up/Makin’ ya sound, makin’ ya sound like ya got the hiccups

2. "The Zoo" (2007): Girl, I got you so wet, it's like a rainforest/Like Jurassic Park except I'm your sex-a-saurus baby/You and me hoppin’ like two kangaroos

1. "12 Play" (1993): Seven: spread your legs apart/Eight: Feel me, I'm so hard/Nine: See I want you from behind/With that bump and grind/10: Baby, climb on top of me/11: Up and down we'll go, you'll see