September 24, 2012


Texas Sheriff to Fiona Apple: "I’m Already More Famous Than You"

Scott Legato
Scott Legato

In true Texas justice form, the sheriff at the center of last week's Fiona Apple drug arrest for possession of marijuana and hash isn't stepping down from Apple's onstage speech accusing the policemen who arrested her of "inappropriate and probably illegal" behavior.

Following last week's arrest details, Rusty Fleming, Public Information Officer of Hudspeth County Sheriff's Office and presumable Walker, Texas Ranger fan, released a statement suggesting Apple contact the proper Texas authorities if she feels she has been treated inappropriately, but went on to call out Apple on her behavior.

"Honey, I’m already more famous than you, I don’t need your help," Fleming said, responding to Apple's assertion that "I'll make you f--king famous any time you ask." "However, it would appear that you need mine. Two weeks ago nobody in the country cared about what you had to say. Now that you’ve been arrested it appears your entire career has been jump-started. Don’t worry Sweetie, I won’t bill you."


The man who once directed a movie called Drug Wars: Silver or Lead called out Apple for bringing drugs to Texas. "Have you ever heard of Snoop, Willie or Armie Hammer?," asked Fleming. "Maybe if you would read something besides your own press releases, you would have known before you got here, that if you come to Texas with dope, the cops will take your dope away and put you in jail."

Fleming concluded his blunt statement with a less-than-amicable suggestion. "Even though you and I only met briefly in the hallway, I don’t know you but I’m sure you’re an awesome and talented young woman and even though I’m not a fan of yours, I am sure there are thousands of them out there, and I’m sure that they would just as soon you get this all behind you and let you go back to what you do best. So my last piece of advice is simple: 'Just shut up and sing.'"

We're not sure if Fleming was making a reference to the Dixie Chicks' film Shut Up and Sing, the story about the Texan female country group's vocal opposition to George W. Bush, but at least this could provide Fiona with plenty of fodder for her next album, presumably set for release in 2345.