In 2008, a pre-Maybach Music Group Wale released the Seinfeld-themed mixtape The Mixtape About Nothing. Whatever your thoughts on Wale, dude stuck to the theme, rapping over the Seinfeld theme song, rhyming a whole song with "Hmm, what's the deal?" line construction, titling a song "The Kramer" and even getting Julia "Elaine Benes" Louis-Dreyfus to do a drop.
After 2010's More About Nothing follow-up, you'd think the Seinfeld/Wale connection would've run its course. Today, though, the rapper released the above video with Jerry Seinfeld himself talking about his love for the rapper. I'm still not fully convinced this whole thing isn't just a CGI student film like that baby-stealing eagle, with some teenager smarter than me figuring out a way to manipulate Seinfeld's mouth and voice. But if it's real, let's break this thing down:
0:21: "I got the call from Wale and the DJ Omega here. They called me to come in; I had to be here. If I’m gonna do this, these are the guys I’m gonna do it with and now I did it and that’s it."
Notwithstanding adding "the" to DJ Omega like my parents add it to "hip hop" ("Do you still listen to the hip hop?"), can we get a behind-the-scenes DVD explaining this sentence? How does Wale and the DJ Omega have Seinfeld's number? Is his phone filled with rappers continually hitting him up for ideas? Did Chief Keef yell "Serenity Now" during his sentencing?
0:39: "There’s obviously a connection between your wife and Wale."
This is the first of many bombshell sentences casually and matter-of-factly tossed off as if someone was asking, "How do you spell 'cat'?" No, unknown speaker, there is not obviously a connection between Wale and Seinfeld's wife. There's obviously a connection between falling on ice and hurting yourself. That's how you use that word. But go on, Jerry. How did you guys meet?
0:46: "Wale called me and came to my show. We hung out a little bit. He wanted me to do something with him. I didn’t understand it, but he did. And then I kinda liked the guy; I dug the guy. I listened to the music; I liked the music. So I said 'I’ll do it' even though I didn’t know what I was going to do."
For all you detractors who sh-t on Wale and call him "marginal," dude has the power to get the most powerful comedian on the planet to agree to something without even telling him what it is. Bizarro Wale joke? Masspike Miles collabo?
1:08: "I said to my wife, 'I’m doing this thing with this guy Wale' and she said, 'Wale is my favorite hip hop artist anywhere. I have every single thing.' Somehow, she missed anything that had to do with me. But had everything else he’s done."
To be frank, there are not a ton of people who say “Wale is my favorite hip hop artist anywhere." That one of them is Jerry Seinfeld's wife makes the improbable mind-blowing. Though it's curious that she "somehow" missed the rapper's two mixtapes devoted entirely to her husband, but let's move on.
1:32: "We’re living together. She’s into him. He’s into me and I didn’t know about the whole thing."
There has to be some coked-out desperate Jerry Stahl-type sitcom writer envisioning that last sentence as a comedy series, right? A bizarre love triangle of rapper, comedian and wife has Two and a Half Men-levels of potential.
1:38: "Didn’t the same thing happen with Diddy when you had an idea about doing the same thing like this?"
Please stop with this matter of factness, off-camera guy. You are dropping hip hop trivia bombs of the highest magnitude. Seinfeld almost worked with Diddy? When? Where? What happened? Can you imagine Seinfeld rolling up to Tunnel on a Sunday night, bouncer's name written on his hand to ensure entry, claiming to be Diddy's ghostwriter?
1:45: "‘Cause hip hop’s words, right?"
1:47: "I do words. Why don’t you take my words and do something with it? I don’t know how to do it but I thought, 'Just take the words.'"
The master distills the similarities between stand-up and rapping in one sentence. Did Diddy, Master and Commander of employing ghostwriters, ever ask Seinfeld to write for him on the hush? What would a Seinfeld-penned rap sound like? Is there an unreleased track about a drug meetup entitled, "What's the Deal?" somewhere in the Bad Boy vaults?
1:56: "He wasn’t ready for the challenge, J."
J?!?!?!? Not Mr. Seinfeld. Not Jerry. J. We need a full mixtape ASAP.