June 6, 2013


'Kanye Quest 3030' Is the Greatest Video Game of All Time

In the firmament of the Kanye West universe, there has emerged a Polaris; that guiding star by which all other celestial beings shall be judged. It is the unauthorized (natch) Kanye Quest 3030, a new, "hip hop themed science-fiction 2D role-playing game" featuring the pixelated icon accidentally time-warping to the future and having to battle clones of famous rappers to get home.

Here's how the creators describe it:

"In January 2010, as rapper and producer Kanye West is taking the garbage out one day, he suddenly travels through a wormhole. Emerging on the other side, Kanye finds himself in the year 3030. In a dystopian city filled with clones of hip-hop musicians and under the control of a god-like dictator, can Kanye get back home?"

This is what happens when hip hop, video game nerds and too much weed collide. And judging by the trailer above, more people need to be into hip hop, video games and too much weed. Let's break down this trailer:

0:07: The kitchenette. The piano with sheet music strewn on the floor. The cramped studio apartment. This is exactly how I picture Kanye living in real life. Also, he takes out his own garbage.

0:10: "This is Kanye West," notes the game, while a somber choir chants somber notes in the background. "Today he will go on a Kanye quest." Can we go with him? We can. P.S. This music is on some Michael Bay, "Carmina Burana" tip. There's no way this won't be awesome.

0:28: Seriously? You're gonna have a mournful, piano version of "Power"? Did you hire a Gravitas Editor? You're taking this game from King's Quest to some Terrence Malick-levels of seriousness. I think I'm falling in love with you, Kanye Quest 3030.

0:38: Kanye finds a "power box." It's unclear whether that's a metaphorical power or actual, physical strength power. Either way, "Look inside the power box?" should never be answered no. What will it be? A jewel-encrusted scepter? A wand that allows 'Ye to turn everyone else into clones of himself to start a Kanye-chestra? A way to remove Mr. Hudson from all songs?

0:39: "Kanye found a microphone!"

0:45: "Use the vending machine?" Why is this an option? Why not? If I was Kanye, I'd go with Mountain Dew.

0:46: Spoiler: Sunkist.

0:52: We are now in the Based Cloning Labs Security Systems. Wait, wha? Lil B's in this? Are we now capitalizing on multiple generations of rappers? Are you just trying to get Based God to tweet about you?

0:53: "Clone activated." The idea that Kanye would, after being transported 1,017 years in the future, rush to the Cloning Lab to make a copy of himself is probably the most believable part of this game.

0:55: "2Pac clone emerged!" They added that exclamation point in the game, but I would've anyway if they didn't. A quick look at the game's credits page reveals more clones, some obvious (Biggie, Snoop, Eminem) but others relatively more obscure (Dan the Automator, MF Doom). These dudes go deep.

1:01: There is apparently a Based Cathedral which, again, may not be entirely unrealistic in the year 3030.

1:05: Future Kanye can choose between "Diss," "Rap Skill," "Production Skill" and "Brag." This is like Mumford & Sons choosing between "Diss," "Rap Skill," "Production Skill" and "Mandolin."

1:07: Production skill! This game is confounding and shocking me at every turn. Kanye uses a "Dark Fantasy" to vanquish the 2Pac clone. I have no idea what that means, but that's what just happened.

I will be playing this nightly for the next two weeks if anyone needs me.

If you want to see more, two very giddy players posted select scenes of the game in the video below.