Miley Cyrus is topless on the cover of the latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine because, well, she's a 20-year-old pop star-gone-bad and that's just what you do. Inside the issue, the "Wrecking Ball" singer takes contributor Josh Eells through a day in the life of just bein' Miley, including a stop at the tattoo parlor (she got "Rolling" and "$tone" on both of her feet, naturally) and a trip to the California desert for a little recreational skydiving.
Miley also used the profile to clear the air about the obligatory topics: the VMAs, living near famous people in L.A.—her neighbor, Steve Carell, gives her the "stank-eye" for driving too fast—and texting with Lil Kim. But the most important thing we learned: Miley might be done with twerking. Forever.
Following her now-infamous MTV performance, which featured a few violated teddy bears, a Beetlejuice-inspired Robin Thicke and more twerking than you can twerk a stick at, the pop star says that whole dance craze is over. "People are like, 'Miley thinks she's a black girl, but she's got the flattest ass ever,'" she told the mag. "I'm like, I'm 108 pounds! I know! Now people expect me to come out and twerk with my tongue out all the time. I'll probably never do that sh-t again."
Too late, Miley. After the 11 millionth time I threatened to throw my computer out the window if I saw another photo of you twerking, I actually did it! I delivered this post via carrier pigeon.
But for the rest of you: Congratulations! Hopefully you escaped TwerkGate '13 with no broken electronics and a small shred of your sanity. Hug your loved ones; our national nightmare is over.