November 19, 2013


Beyonce vs. Britney Rant Concludes Bizarre Goodbye Email to Office

Getty Images, 2
Getty Images, 2

Many Americans hate their jobs. Sometimes, they quit it and compose a farewell email to their office. But for a select few, sending an office-wide "goodbye" is a perfect opportunity for a 1,000-word rant trashing your job that concludes with a vicious pro-Beyonce, anti-Britney Spears diatribe.

That's what a disgruntled auditor named Glory recently did when she quit her job in spectacular fashion, sending an email that includes FORTY-NINE hashtags, a personal insult to a co-worker's cat and a "Harlem Shake" reference. But a prominent Beyonce fixation turns what would otherwise be another boring "I hate my job" rant into a sublimely bizarre tirade.

"Beyonce can sing and dance live without lip singing and do it well. She doesn't need Auto-Tune or a background track to make her the Queen," the letter reads. "All she needs is a mic, some heels, and her fabulous Brazilian and Malaysian wig to swing around. Can't say the same for Britt [sic]. Sorry girl!" Ouch. It's nice to throw the "sorry" in, but Britney Spears will be so hurt if she reads this, guys.

She also details another reason Bey is superior to Britney: She handled giving birth better. Wait, what? "After popping out Baby Blue, [Beyonce] was back at it. She didn't get all washed up and boring like Britt [sic] did."

At the end of her thousand-word letter, the author concludes, "Beyonce wins and now that I'm out of here, I win too!!! #doingtheharlemshakeasitype"

We could be wrong, but we're guessing this employee is not "Irreplaceable."