A quick story before we get to all the lyric-worship: 2.5 years ago, Nicki released the sequel to Pink Friday, the awkwardly-titled Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded. Not all parties [points shamefully to self] were fair enough to that album at first. Lots of cuts have ended up passing the test of time ("Beez in the Trap," "I Am Your Leader," "Pound the Alarm"), and your Greatest of Roman Reloaded playlist will keep winning parties for a while more. But it sucked watching rap's reigning empress serve up her second not-as-good-as-Nicki-herself album in a row.
ENTER THE PINKPRINT, December 16, 2014. There's a ton to love this time, and the album's arguably her best. Whether you're in or out on post-"Starships" Onika ("Starships" is so good!), The Pinkprint's worth a look. Nicki's magnetic performances swivel effortlessly from glamorous to generous to genius. And those Cash Money–approved hashtag punchlines are still there. (#callinmenyquil)
So here are Nicki Minaj's 32 shiniest gifts to us all this holiday season, arranged from best to least-best-but-still-great. We're doing 32 because Nicki Minaj is 32. (#doublerainbow)
1. From "All Things Go"
Lemme make this clear
I'm not difficult, I'm just 'bout my business
2. From "All Things Go"
Cherish these nights, cherish these people
Life is a movie, but there'll never be a sequel
And I'm good with that
As long as I'm peaceful
As long as seven years from now I'm takin my daughter to preschool
4. From "Want Some More" (featuring Jeremih)
Who had Eminem on the first album?
Who had Kanye sayin, 'She a problem'?
Who the f*ck came in the game, made her own column?
Who made Lil Wayne give 'em five million?
5. From "Feeling Myself" (featuring Beyoncé)
Why these bitches don't ever be learnin?
You bitches'll never get what I be earnin
I'm still gettin plaques from my records that's urban
Ain't gotta rely on top 40
I am a rap legend, just go ask the kings of rap
Who is the queen and things of that
Nature; look at my finger, that is a glacier; hits like a lazerrrrrrrrrrrrr
6. From "Win Again"
I came out lookin to party and now I'm owning that building
You bitches can't get my spot until I start raisin some children
7. From "Get on Your Knees" (featuring Ariana Grande)
Yo, I'll be back at 11
You just act like a peasant
Got a bow on my panties because my ass is a present
8. From "Anaconda" (featuring a sweet bird sound)
Yeah, he looove this fat asssss
Yeah ... this one is forrr myyyy
Bitches with a fat ass in the f*ckin club
I said where my fat-ass big bitches in the club?
F*ck those skinny bitches, f*ck those skinny bitches in the club
I wanna see all the big fat-ass bitches in the motherf*ckin club
F*ck you if you skinny, bitches, WHAT, yeah
[maniacal villain laugh followed by this, like, bird trill]
9. From "Shanghai"
All of these bitches in pocket, I'm 'bout to make a deposit
Tell 'em to go 'head and gossip
As long as your house is the size of my closet
10. From "Feeling Myself" (featuring Beyoncé)
Bitches ain't got punchlines or flow
I have both, and an empire, also
11. From "Only" (featuring Drake, Lil Wayne and Chris Brown)
My man full, he just ate
I don't duck nobody but tape
That was a setup
For a punchline
On duct tape
12. From "Anaconda"
I'm on some dumb sh******t
13. From "Feeling Myself" (featuring Beyoncé)
I'm the big kahuna, go let them whores know
Just on this song alone, bitch is on her fourth flow
14. From "Truffle Butter" (featuring Drake and Lil Wayne)
Thinkin out loud
I must have about a milli on me right now
15. From "Favorite" (featuring Jeremih)
I don't wanna hype ya
But you a lucky n***a if my mean ass like ya
16. From "Trini Dem Girls" (featuring Lunchmoney Lewis)
He tryna kick it like a ninja
He tryna stick it like syringes
He don't ever play the benches
So I'mma let him touch it if he playin with some inches
17. From "All Things Go"
Gee, we did it, let's leave this imprint
Just finished writin — this is The Pinkprint
18. From "Four Door Aventador"
Peanut butter Benz, got 'em jelly at the deli
If you feelin like a ninja, I got a machete
19. From "Anaconda"
D*ck bigger than a tower, I ain't talkin bout Eiffel's
Real country-ass n***a, lemme play with his rifle
P*ssy put his ass to sleep, now he callin me NyQuil
20. From "Mona Lisa"
You make me feel blue
But you make me feel super
But you make me feel super
[just…trust me—it's a weird auto-tuned bonus track hook and it works]
21. From "Feeling Myself" (featuring Beyoncé)
Bitch, never left, but I'm back at it
And I'm feelin' myself, jackrabbit
Feelin' myself, back off
'Cause I'm feeling myself, jack off
He'll be thinkin bout when he whacks off
Wax on; wax off
22. From "Anaconda"
Cause he said he don't like 'em boney, he want something he can grab
So I pulled up in the Jag, Mayweather with the jab
23. From "Win Again"
This sh*t ain't got no more integrity
Don't write they raps, and plus they flow sh*tty
Don't make me expose you, bitch, I'm too busy
24. From "Want Some More" (featuring Jeremih)
[with a Busta Rhymes-y flow]
You can tell I'm the illest cause my dividends is the biggest
Bitches ain't sittin with us, all my niggas in Margielas, AW!
Is pigs flying?
Is these bitches tryin me?
25. From "Want Some More" (featuring Jeremih)
Cash Money gettin' six albums
No bitch n****s on a bitch album
You n****s apologize when a n***a diss you?
That's a big problem
26. From "Four Door Aventador"
I'm in Hollywood with Shia LaBeouf
Most of you rappers ain't eatin, that diet is rough
27. From "All Things Go"
Yo, I had to reinvent
I put the V in vent
I put the heat in vents
Man, I've been competin since
28. From "Win Again"
I'm Meryl Streep to all these bitches, they can't do what I do
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I be like, "Why you?"
29. From "Bed of Lies" (featuring Skylar Grey)
You could never make eye contact
Everything you got was based off of my contacts
You a fraud but I'mma remain icon-stat
30. From "The Crying Game"
Ain't no smilin faces here, we slammin doors and dishes
Sayin we don't miss each other, but it's all fictitious
31. From "Put You in a Room"
Are you in my f*cking corner for real?
Or are you plotting to kill?
I tell you just how I feel
But you never hear
32. From "The Night Is Still Young"
We still gettin money, what bank it's gon be?
If he sexy, he plankin on me
Bonus: no conversation about great Onika 2014 lyrics would be complete without quick nods to these 12 jaw-dropping non-Pinkprint tracks with artists like Beyoncé, Juicy J, Ariana Grande, Jessie J, Rae Sremmurd, and ... well, Nicki featuring Nicki. Happy Minajadays.