Ailment: Humpday Hangover
Let’s start by talking about Wednesday, commonly referred to as humpday. Humpday Hangover isn't quite as bad as a case of “The Mondays” because you’ve accepted the fact that the weekend is indeed over. You still need the little boost to actually get yourself through to the end of the week. To add insult to injury, you probably drank too much last night for St. Patrick’s Day (see also: "Green Beer Blues") and today pales in comparison. You need a track to pump you up and to help you immortalize some of the magic of last night.
Drug name: "Tuesday" – iLoveMakonnen (feat. Drake)
Active ingredients: Catchy melody and lyrics; zealous use of Auto-Tune.
Warnings: Keep away from coworkers' judgement by listening on headphones. For adults only; do not play for children under 12 years or they will repeat the words.
Stop use if: You’ve started to yell "DRANK" repeatedly.
Directions: Play once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Listen at least twice in a row for maximum results. Repeat if necessary/if you aren’t amply pumped up for another evening of shenanigans.