March 25, 2015

Listicle

Weekly Prescription: Your Musical Dosage for March 25

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Music is a source of comfort and catharsis for most people, so we decided to stock up our musical pharmacy with some tunes to cure your ailments. From heartache to broken bones to that time of the month, check with us weekly for new musical prescriptions.

Ailment: Crimson Cramps

It's here. Has it been three weeks already? You're crying over the smallest incident, eating everything in sight, you've bloated beyond recognition and to make matters worse, it feels like there's a 10-round boxing match between your ovaries. Your period has officially arrived and your cramps might be the end of you. Of all the horrible things that happen to women during their monthly visit, let's focus on the good. You're not pregnant! You're also a woman. You are a powerhouse of feminine hormones and energy and strength. You need a something that makes you feel like a woman.

Drug name: Acetaninamone

Active ingredients: Nina Simone's velvet voice, lyrics (about bleeding forces of nature) and an electrifying jazz crescendo. 

Uses: Soothes cramps and strengthens female energy.

Stop use if: You’ve started to yell "POWER!!" at your desk. 

Directions: Play as needed to ease cramps. To build strength, continue listening even after symptoms have subsided.

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