May 17, 2017


Sad Man Sues Text-Messaging Date for $17 for Ruining 'Guardians of the Galaxy 2'


What's worse, people texting in a movie theater, or people who lose their shit because someone in a dark room has redirected their own attention temporarily to a small, likely dimly lit rectangle?

Before you answer, contemplate this new entry in the book of America's gravest modern sin: A 37-year-old man from Austin, Texas named Brandon Vezmar is suing his date, a 35-year-old woman, for $17.31 because she texted during Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. The two met online and it was their first time meeting.

The Austin American-Statesman newspaper broke the news to the woman—who requested anonymity because who in the world wouldn't, with this foolishness—on the phone. “Oh my god. This is crazy,” she said, adding that she was helping a friend in a relationship crisis, "wasn't bothering anybody" and wasn't texting nonstop.

The man told the paper his non-future-girlfriend started texting—"like one of my biggest pet peeves"—within 15 minutes and it wound up being "kind of a first date from hell." The woman reportedly drove them to the theater and split without the man, leaving him to fend for himself after he suggested/asked/grumbled for her to step outside to text. “While damages sought are modest, the principle is important as defendant’s behavior is a threat to civilized society,” reads the lawsuit.

Although the incident took place at an AMC theater, the CEO of Austin's Alamo Drafthouse—a famous film institution at the vanguard of the anti-texting wars—told the American-Statesman, “To save the time of the courts, the Alamo is willing help put this to bed and hereby offers Vezmar a gift certificate in the amount of $17.31 for his next cinema outing."

Guardians writer/director James Gunn, who was hopefully joking but who knows because this movie is his baby, tweeted:

Next, watch Marvel Comics editor-in-chief Axel Alonso explain how the publishing empire is syncing up with its movie and television offerings: