May 1, 2017


'The VelociPastor' Trailer: Priest Turns Into Dinosaur, Murders Ninjas

Once upon a time, I imagined a perfect song called "Velociraptor Blues," for no other reason than the glory of pairing the right word with velociraptor. Writer/director Brendan Steere gets it, because he made a movie called The VelociPastor, and the trailer reminds us of the name ooover and over. You could just set aside your VOD money now, but if you have an extra sec: this is a film—F I L M—about a pastor who turns into a kitchen-raiding dinosaur from Jurassic Park and battles ninjas.

The bonkers trailer is above and features the line "I fought some ninjas last night—maybe they followed me home." The fully-transformed-in-broad-daylight VelociPastor is a practical effects disaster, but isn't that essential to the mission?

The VelociPastor started as a trailer without an actual movie 2011. Shortly after, a Kickstarter to produce the full-length project made just $1,612 of a $7,000 goal (a number chosen to mirror the budget on Grindhouse co-director Robert Rodriguez's debut film, El Mariachi).

At the time, a summary said our hero found himself in this radical predicament by being "scratched by an ancient piece of ember." It also referred to him as a "man of the clawth." #blessed

Now savor a few vivid images from the most important narrative since the earliest humans made cave drawings about dinosaurs. (If that sounds factually impossible to you, let us introduce you to a movie called The VelociPastor.)

Keep it spooky with actor/filmmaker Rider Strong (Cabin Fever, Girl/Boy Meets World), who broke down his five favorite horror movies for Fuse: